I’ve felt the pressure to “perform” my entire life.
In my marriage.
As a father.
Most of the pressure I put on myself.
I had to get the best grades…
score all the goals…
climb the corporate ladder…
and provide EVERYTHING for my wife and kids.
I felt like I had to be the PERFECT MAN…and I was failing miserably.
I came from an average, middle class home. My father was somewhat closed off, and my mother was my greatest encourager.
But I knew I was loved and Dad always made sure we had a home and food in the cupboards.
I played hockey, softball, volleyball…pretty much any sport I tried at least once, but hockey was my favorite.
We grew up going to church and Sunday School, so God was always “there”. I haven’t done a great job obeying the rules, but I’ve always believed for as long as I can remember.
I was, what I know now as an extroverted introvert. I desired my alone time, but loved getting together with friends and having fun.
Most friends were staying over night at each others’ homes, but I couldn’t do that until I was in middle school, because I wet the bed. Looking back, I would say that flaw defined who I was and how I behaved even late into my adult years.
I had a hard time relating to men up until the past 15 years or so, likely at least partly due to my relationship with Dad. My morals, values, and social influences came mostly from my two sisters and mother. So, for years, I thought I was broken because I wasn’t experiencing life the way they described it and I never really felt like I was the son Dad wanted.
Overall, I was a self-conscious lad with low self-esteem, which persisted into late manhood.
When Things Started To Change
Once I began my career, I started noticing small changes in my outlook.
During university, I worked as an accountant (where I met my wife, btw). My boss was real easy going. Enjoyed having a good time and showed me it was okay to stand up for myself…until he fired me…but I’ll tell you that story another time.
After graduating with a business degree, I worked for a small company for a guy who was very much like my father. We had a rocky relationship, but I stuck with it…on and off…for seven years. The on and off part was because I started a business which led me to leave the company for a period of time, until we decided to close it down and I went back to that company.
I left that company for another, even smaller consulting company, after a year or so.
That nine year period was a time of significant education for me. So many things happened to make me who I am today.
I travelled through Canada, the United States, and United Kingdom as a consultant, meeting people, learning cultures, solving problems, and…well…growing my experience.
I eventually got a job in our provincial government (I’m Canadian) as a manager, where I modernized the office and participated in some really good management and communication courses.
Even with the success I was having, my career was starting to feel stale.
Work wasn’t challenging anymore because I had made all the changes that I could make. I was simply existing in the role.
As my career progressed, so did my family.
I had two sons, who were growing quickly and who needed different things from me as they grew.
They both played hockey and I coached them through almost their entire hockey career.
In my marriage, my wife and I were stable on the outside, but inside, I was starting to feel angry and hurt as a result of our relationship.
Spiritually, although I still believed, I wasn’t very close to God, even though I had taught Sunday School and delivered sermons at our church.
EVERYTHING was coming to a head…read more in my About page
COME BACK SOON!